November. Almost the end of another year. I have been waiting for 2015 since March. This year has been a great learning experience. I think I have become more mature over the last couple of months.
I had a lot of hopes for 2014. But as it comes to an end, I can safely say it was nothing short of a roller coaster ride.
I think I unwittingly untied the strings of a pandora’s bag. If given a choice, I would do a lot of things differently. Well, I think I would. But would I want to change everything about it? No. I had to learn those lessons. And so I did.
I will not romanticise learning of lessons the hard way by saying I am glad to have gone through some major drama without which I wouldn’t have learnt. But I am happy that it’s almost over. The year of turbulence. The year that forced me to grow up. This year is almost over. I have learnt.
I now know I have in my life those who have unwavering belief in me, I know how loyal my friends are, I know who will stand up for me when I myself don’t, for a myriad of reasons, I know now that there are those who know me better than I know myself. I know now that there are those that I can trust completely, those that will tell where and how I went wrong. Those who are absolutely honest with me. Even if it means hurting me. Because without that honesty I would never be able to take into account the wholeness of experiences.
I have met people, I have unmet people. I have made friends. I have unfriended some. I have trusted some (very stupid of me). I have learnt to untrust some others (thank the freaking Lord!).
In all of this, what have I gained?
I cannot show you a couple of grey hair as proof ( which I don’t have, by the way, haha) that I might have, without meaning to, learnt to be a little worldly wise (hopefully. Because if I have not yet learnt, I am actually scared of what I will have to go through).
I cannot show you the new lines beneath my eyes (I have them and I hate them) as proof that I have seen my share of hardships this year. The kind I thought I would never have to experience. I cannot show you the slight hardening of my eyes (I might be kidding myself) as proof that despite trying hard to retain the childish wonder, I have, indeed become a little cynical. I cannot show you the little broken pieces of me (I really cannot. This is not ‘mirrors’ for chrissake!) as proof of what growing up has done to me and no doubt to countless individuals who have had to face adversities I can only guess (or not).
But the next time you see me, I can give you what no one can ever take away from me or anyone else. A Smile (if you give me one first, and if you do, I might decide you are creepy, which can totally happen, and that might result in me giving you a steely glare. So don’t get your hopes up) with an openness that I have fought hard to retain. I can give you warmth and love with a confidence that comes from having family and friends who I know for a fact will always be with me through all kinds of ups and downs.
I think I am at peace. I have everyone I want in my life. I don’t need new friends (to my current friends– y’all know me. I am not jealous and all, okay? It’s just that what’s mine is mine so you can forget about getting new friends. I will only be accommodating of those you will marry). I know people say you can never have enough friends. But they are wrong.
So here’s to a new year. A bounty full of fresh tears, laughter, memories, hopes, wishes, and new experiences. And new posts that will range from narcissistic, to depressed, to elated, and well, just plain nonsense.
For those who are wondering. No. I did not battle cancer or the likes of it. But my aunt did battle tuberculosis. For those who are thinking, nah, not remotely funny, well. Laugh it off anyway.