So I did an experiment the other day. It required me to focus on one happy memory. I tried to think of that one happy memory that could put every other in perspective. And I couldn’t come up with one. Not one. I have no one happy memory. I don’t have a single painful memory either. I am usually sunny. I am usually happy. But I don’t have one single happy memory.
And for this reason I have decided to take up this little project–
I am going to make a list every day. A list of five things I am grateful for. Maybe that, one day, will give me my happy memory. I need that one moment of supreme, unbridled happiness. I am happy, but that isn’t enough. Like Calvin, I need absolute Euphoria. I need it and I need it now. I made up one memory for the purpose of my experiment. That was ok for me, in retrospect, that was actually a very good memory.
Tonight I am grateful for
1. Having met some of the most beautiful people.
2. Supported these boys who came out (as gay).
3. Bought a beautiful bull supported Chinese lucky coins key chain. I have a good feeling about it.
4. Had a good discussion about FGC, something that forced my mind to open up to a practice that horrifies me, quite justifiably so.
5. Downloaded some of the most powerfully magical stuff– Duffy’s Mercy, Skylar’s I will Return, Ocean’s Where Feet May Fail (a wonderful Christian song that asks you to keep faith and let the spirit lead you where trust in Him is without borders) and the VERY BEST, I decided to order the Sanskrit and English verses of VIVEKACHUDAMANI. Only the most beautiful verses ever written on spiritual transcendence, or so I have been told, and ascribed to Adi Shankara. And by that token, if this world is, indeed, an illusion, then I don’t really need to be bothered about one single happy memory. As long as I am in a constant state of borderline happiness, I should be ok.