Sometimes, unwittingly, you sow something you don’t want to reap. You nurture that which is toxic. There are interesting ways of cleansing yourself in the aftermath of such situations or contacts. But, once burnt twice shy. Now you are ruled by fear. All those fears that have been with you in the form of a very dark baggage have resurfaced with full force. You find yourself questioning everyone’s motives and their hidden agenda. I thought I had trust issues till I found myself beating Supandi at playing the fool.
But how can you ensure sure you are only protecting yourself and not letting yourself be ruled by fear and trust issues?
I am not asking you to trust just about any Tom, Dick, and Harry (if it’s Potter, sure. That was a joke. Now laugh), to get rid of trust issues. I am asking you to be empathetic. Everyone is fighting a battle. Everybody is fighting demons. Be on guard, but, give a chance to people. Do not generalise. Personally, I have been lucky, most people I meet are amazing. Oh there are those who I shouldn’t have let into my inner circle, but such things almost never happen. Never will, now that I know whom I should avoid. Whom should you avoid? When I say avoid, I don’t mean for you to treat them badly or ignore. What I mean is for you to practice safe distance. The main principle here is anyone who is not of your socio economic cultural background can be made pals as long as you maintain safe distance. This is not because they are bad. That is crap. This is only because of the inherent differences in the way you have been brought up and conditioned.
Their standards, and instruments of gauge are completely different. Your moralscapes if you will, are different? Things that are a first for you are what they do so regularly that it’s routine for them. Middle class psyche can digest only so much novelty.
Rules for safe distance: When you practice safe distance, you will need to maintain distance. Physically and emotionally, duh, yeah, but also tenchnologically. Social media have made it incredibly easy for someone to be in touch with you, good. But everything has a flip side. Even the concept of God. Ha!
Rule no. 1: Whatsapp number to be given to only those with whom you absolutely HAVE to be in touch with. Anyone you don’t necessarily have to be in touch with need not have your WA number.
Rule no. 2: Now, amongst those you have to be in touch with are those that are not a part of your inner circle. They are to be ignored after 9 pm. You will turn into a cabbage if you don’t (ignore that is). I think an alien hijacked my sense of humour. Please bear with.
Rule no. 3: Sometimes you will meet people who can make you feel comfortable enough to share your deepest, darkest secrets and fears. Some people are worldly enough to create a false sense of security and comfort, so to avoid being made an object of their manipulation, wait for an appropriate amount of time before revealing your vulnerabilities or pouring your heart out. Most people are good. No denying it. But life will not throw only good people onto your path. And do not wear heart on thy sleeve.
Rule no. 4: When people (you have just met) get angry with you and say ‘I get angry with only those people whom I love’ or ‘I shout at people I love’ or some such crazy cockshit, that’s a red flag right there. Abusive tendencies alert.
Rule no. 5: ‘I am not like the others.’ He/she is exactly like the others. Chillax and dump them then and there.
Rule no. 6: Never blame them. Blame yourself. There is no need to be harsh on yourself but blame yourself. Why would you ignore all the bloody warning signs? So no one else is at fault.
Rule no. 7: You don’t really need new friends. The ones you have are enough. Honestly. Good friends are God’s gift. You don’t need everyone to be your friend. Real friends are hard to find.