Kashmiri hotties and Upma hukma

You see, my mom (amma) and I share a very different relationship. It’s not the type you would expect from a typical mother-daughter relationship. This change isn’t exactly new, but it wasn’t like this very long ago either. It happened gradually, and I think I have a certain (very special) someone to thank for it. More on that later. There are some conversations you don’t expect to have with your mother, you know? For instance, about a very irritating ex (friend, what did you think? *wink wink*), or say about her food. So I thought to myself, why don’t I list out top ten (private, some of them) jokes my mother and I shared. One being the most funniest by the way.

1. So mom and I went out to this beautiful silk expo. And what do you think I (we) saw? Kashmiri hotties, well, my mom doesn’t agree with me. She likes the tall, dark, handsome (my dad) types. I don’t have any particular likes, but I like Kashmiris, they have skin like peaches and cream. So we set out to buy these stoles from one of the guys. May I confess here that the Kashmiri stoles paled in comparison to the guy selling them? I assumed that the guy wouldn’t know Telugu and I proceeded to tell amma that I would have bought anything because he was so beautiful it hurt to look at him. My mom equally discreetly (meaning he could hear very clearly), he knows Telugu, which is why he is blushing so much. *sigh* Turns out, he did know Telugu. Oh, the embarrassment! My mom laughed all the way back home. 

2. She made galeez. For people who don’t know what galeez is. Upma is the word you are looking for. Apparently, one of the teachers at school asked me (when I was very young, thank you very much) what my mom had packed for lunch and I promptly replied “galeez.” After being prodded for more, I confessed to have brought the Galeez Hukma. Ew. My mom hasn’t forgiven me for that yet, I think. *makes a funny face*

3. When my mom assumed I had rubbed a little lizol (back in the 90s when it was newly launched) to become fairer. Urgh. I haven’t forgiven her yet for that, I was only rubbing lizol on the floor to check if it really made our tiles brighter. What followed that! Well, my cheek started to itch and I scratched it with the other hand, but my mother, not only assumed the worse, but is still fond of telling that story to others.

4. When I stapled my thumb. After initial hysteria at what the hell would happen to my thumb, my mom and I had a hearty laugh. Again, in the 90s.

5. When I burnt half a kilo sugar because my chemistry teacher had said ‘you can actually see carbon, sugar turns all black, students’ in her nasal droning voice. My mother said, “Ammu, you could have tested it on a spoon of sugar too”, only she didn’t say that in one go. She could hardly breathe for laughter. 

6. When I cut my hand to see if the knifewas sharp enough. Yes, I was crazy. I had to test everything on myself. She said then that I always learned things the hard way, and she wished I could learn by example instead. It wasn’t as much funny as it was sweet. 

7. When my mom said, “I don’t think even your teachers ever threatened you by saying they would call me or your brother like that fellow* did, no?” I still can’t believe she made fun of that. Although now a days the fellow in question is a source of entertainment for us. *wide toothed smile* Trust my mother to make light everything that I took/ take super seriously. 

8. When my mom said, “Why yes, I need strangers to come and give me my daughter’s conduct certificate.” Ok, that was so cool! I think I love my mom even more for that. HAHA! 

9. The kind of names she gives to people I am not especially fond of. Team Ammu, outright! We both are very creative that way. And we are heavily inspired by JKR. Worthless pile of Mundungus’ pet dingbats’ infected poop*. Ahahahaha. Makes for a great swear phrase. 

10. When she asked Abhi whom he was staring at. She didn’t know then that Abhi was my friend. She assumed he was staring at me. Ahaha, that was such a a great day! 
* stars indicate interchangeable usage * ROTFL


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