How do you know you? When you react or respond, or even when you don’t. I guess it is only when in a conversation with someone do you realise what your thoughts and opinions really are. Sometimes, it is easier to connect the dots while having a conversation out loud with someone. I guess this is also why they say that you know yourself only when you are in a relationship with someone else. Everything you like and don’t like about your own self is reflected in the person you are involved with. They are supposed to be your mirror. So all those things about your partner that irritate you are actually the things you hate about your own self.
For someone like me, I know how I would react like (because, I am amongst the breed that talks to themselves most of the time.. Not aloud.. Maybe… Sometimes.. Out aloud.. But most times, the inner dialogue is going on).
A lot of people who talk to me take pleasure in annoying me. Or that is what they tell me. I am not sure how true that is. But if it’s indeed true, I have a theory why people like annoying me. Because I react. I am very vocal about that. I am very expressive about how exactly I am feeling (only when I am angry or irritated). I think people like it, not because they are into perverse enjoyment. They like it because they feel they matter.
No one would feel annoyed with a complete stranger now, would they? When you tell them you are feeling that particular emotion because of them, they know they owned you or your emotion rather, for that second or minute. That experience is precious, to know that you matter to a person.. A person who matters to you.. This is exactly why I love Rumi so much. He puts it so beautifully.
“You are a lover of your own experience … not of me … you turn to me to feel your own emotion.”