Old friends, old routines?

I went to one of my very good friends’ wedding. I also met some of the old gang. I met my (ex)crush (I had a crush on him for the longest time in all of history) with whom I shared a love-hate relationship. We were friends, then we weren’t, I secretly liked him, he never did, I didn’t except him to, we became friends and then it was time to say bye bye school, he got a girlfriend, I still liked him, then suddenly, one day I didn’t like him anymore, but continued being friends, I respect(ed) him loads. He had the brains, and that I really liked.

The problem with meeting your old crushes is the disappointment it causes. Oh I don’t mind the occasional taunts, teasing, and the small fights we have when we so very rarely meet. I guess I have an extreme reaction to him, even though I don’t like him like I used to. But when people get offended because you have strong opinions about something (for instance I don’t booze. I won’t just because someone thinks it is cool, I will booze if I ever the feel the need to, and honestly I don’t think I ever will). There are things in life you cannot control, but staying away from addictions? I can, most certainly. I don’t know how to manage my emotions, and people like me need to look out for themselves so they do not rely upon external stimulants to manage their lives. I didn’t feel the need to share this with him, he construed it in another way, that I think of drinking as a sin.

I crack dirty jokes too. With my closest of friends. I don’t feel comfortable cracking such jokes with just about anyone. He called me uptight. But I think he froze any emotion I could feel when he belittled my education, and made it seem as though feminism is a dirty word. Oh and also, he proceeded to ask me why I was so bitter (courtesy my Facebook posts). We chat on whatsapp, but I guess those chats mean nothing. The point is I try my hardest not to offend him, and yet I guess I do, because I don’t see why else he thought he had to attack me? I might have offended him, I am sure.

For all those times I thought I really liked him, it seems, I was not very bright. It also seems as though I am going to continue to react extremely to him. So anyway, bye for now, from an uptight, bitter feminist. I guess I should be glad I wasn’t called a man hater and a bra burner. 😁. Also, I don’t trust my choices anymore. I have seen the guys I secretly like, I don’t think I should be trusted with choosing a guy for myself. Suckfest. Over.


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