MensXP’s writer rants about Kangana┬á

Every week I see Indian men trying very hard to defend the non defendable. I do not like reading Bollywood gossip, page 3 crap. But unless you have been hiding in a cave, you’d know Kangana Ranaut has been called a witch, and painted as someone with a mental disorder. In all of this she has held her head high and God, has she carried herself with grace! But you see, when a woman earns a place for herself in a patriarchal, largely misogynistic society, there are men who will quickly point out that gender has nothing to do with discrimination or horrible allegations. It is easy to say KR is mentally deranged, after all, women are emotional beings who get emotional and lose their heads and then go into a big dark hole. Hey, have you heard that women are emotional beings? 

But it has nothing to do with gender.

KR understood that Barkha Dutt was calling Suman’s allegation gross (he said she mixed her period blood in the food that was served to his son, her ex boyfriend in order to bewitch him). Dutt called the comment gross. But, just to make sure that idiots do not misconstrue Dutt’s statement, KR made it a point to explicitly state that period blood is not gross. In a country where there are 101 taboos about mentruating women and period blood, and in a world where menstruating women were once considered to have had horrible, evil magical powers, this writer shows his ignorance, appalled as I am at such ignorance, that a person does not know the context in which KR said period blood was not gross. I mean after the huge uproar the blood stained bed sheet on Insta caused, you’d think the writer would put two and two together, right? But, no. He is an ignoramus. I have made my peace with it.

But what I find even more difficult to understand is how this writer thinks KR misused feminism, or that not everything is to do with feminism. Have you done a phd in feminism? Have you even read a single material published on feminism? Or have you very conveniently, and selectively read MRAs literature on feminists, oops sorry, feminazis? The very fact that she was accused of mental illness is an attempt to undermine her intelligence and portray her as some kind of an emotional fool. 

Of course this has to do with gender. 

I don’t understand why men get butt hurt over feminists’s opinions and literature. Everything isn’t about feminism? Why? Because you cannot bear to look at the horrible patriarchal set up we live in or because you fear your benefits from the system will cease to exist? Who are you to decide what is or isn’t about feminism? The fact that she is on tv, voicing her opinion is an achievement. We owe all our rights and freedom to feminists of 60s, 70s, and 80s. If she says she is a feminist, she is one. We don’t really think of her a role model, although she can be a role model for the likes of you, try matching her intelligence for once, please? Everything might not be about feminism, but if someone thinks it is, it damn well is. She is no Emma Watson, Malala, blah blah, great! It is obvious she isn’t all of them. Have you entirely lost it? She is KR, and I am sure she is happy with being herself. We don’t want to be like someone else, we want to be us. All of us. That’s feminism. Being who you want to be and not be pressurised into being someone or something because the society thinks you ought to be it. Next time you rant and cry about engineering and how you didn’t want to be one, remember feminism. And boy, could you please read up on feminism before showing your ignorance proudly on MensXP? I think my brain shrunk from all that junk. 

Everyday I wish people would stop saying there is no gender or caste discrimination. Or that things are not even more worse for people who are women and also Dalits. I cannot even begin to imagine the kind of discrimation they face. 
*i don’t read MensXP. It’s stupid. But a friend shared it and she also cried about how KR is misusing feminism. Sigh. Ads appropriate feminism, accepted. But how is KR appropriating feminism? 

** There is no link to the brainless MensXP crap they put out as an intelligent article because it doesn’t deserve anymore clicks. 

*** if KR has indeed been made a fool of, I still have a problem with bringing in mental illness to make that point. 

Sorry about the horrible illustration (not one of my very many talents ­čśŤ). But I couldn’t resist it. #patriarchallogic 




What do women want?

*warning: Swear words ahead. Actually, just one. If you are under age, I am no one to tell you what to read. 

What do women want? This question haunts us all. Most forwards, jokes, and essays are written on/about/of/for it.

If you have read my blog before and still believe I buy into brainless mainstream (read patriarchal) ideology that unnecessarily and intentionally either divinises or complicates a woman and if nothing works indulges in mystification of women and will actually write a fucking post about it, that, right there, is a classic example of foolhardy.

Each woman is different, just like every man is. How difficult is that to figure out? Humans are all different and yet the same. Same because we all need food, sex, and air, and attain pleasure most of all in all of these things. We also have a death impulse, so eloquently put by Freud (a man who has had massive mommy or/and daddy issues and theorised about it and we fucking celebrate him. I prefer Pavlov, Skinner, thank you very much. And if we are talking about psychoanalysis particularly then I would rather read feminist reinterpretation of it). But our life is not limited just to those things.


Some of my male friends believe that all women want is marriage. And since they are the frame of reference I have and all I know about men seems to be derived from their behaviour, I confess, I believe most men (#notallMen. We know not all men, jeez, stop saying it and hash tagging it. No feminist in her right mind believes #Allmen are the same. We are not fucking homogenised products to be exactly the same).

1. You are wrong. Not all women want marriage. Actually, I can’t and won’t speak for all women. I speak for me and like minded individuals. We don’t particularly want to get married. We have a career we happen to like. We want to be independent in a certain way and if marriage happens, then fine. We won’t chase it or look for marriage as though that is the goal of our freaking lives. We all have our economic, professional, personal and private, and spiritual goals that do not involve marriage or man. 


One of my friends (and mind you this is a progressive, or so I think, man who also happens to be my colleague. In fact, he was my classmate and joined Phd a year before I did.) said usually you will only find men regret getting married. Women are happy with it.

2. You are wrong. I see plenty of women (including my mother, your mother, aunts) who all believe marriage was a fucking mistake, but they stayed with it and are proud of it, proud that they stayed. No, not because they fucking like it, but because you and I would have been a part of a fucking (more) dysfunctional family. This is the reason why elders in our society believe couples should have babies within the first year of marriage, that ensures the survival of it. Because women, not on account of their self sacrificial qualities, but because they fucking gave birth to you, want the best for you and believe a father figure is important, and he is. 

In case, a woman chooses to be out of the crappy set up. You go girl! Whatever you want and know to be good for you and your kids.


Priyanka Chopra is such a feminazi, she said she wants a man only for his sperm (so she can have babies), we all got out knickers in a twist because of that. I mean how dare she say that? Imagine if men were to say the same thing? That women are only for sex. That’s all.

3. Are you fucking blind? That’s all there is to see/hear in our ads, indoor and outdoor. A freaking soft drink needs its bottle to be shaped like a woman to be sold, DC cannot sell its paper without a woman. And everyday we drool over item numbers. No one raises their voice. Now that finally, strong independent women (who do not identify themselves as feminists) say the same thing, most men cannot digest the fucking fact. Just like you guys seem to think women are meant for sex and that apparently is a compliment to them, some women consider you to be sperm banks. Simple. I don’t believe in eye for an eye, but why don’t you get so annoyed when you watch TV, read newspapers, or watch films, oh or your favourite past time– watching porn? Fucking male gaze does not get you jittery, a woman who earns ten times more than you and has a voice does. Where are your “balls” then?


Every group (even those that are meant for formal communication) is inundated with bloody forwards about how women suck the blood of men, spend their hard earned money and that their lives are a hell because of them. They would like to break out of it all and be free again. Independence is the dream, bhaiyon (brothers).

4. Haha! Are you serious? I find that funny. No, really, I do. Not for the same reason as most men obviously do. I find it funny because marriage is a fucking patriarchal set up intended to benefit men. Sexuality and reproduction (of women) frightens the bejeezus out of patriarchy and patriarchs. You see, sex out of marriage is a sin, and so is reproducing out of marriage, and so is reproducing a girl child. Forget the fact that it is the fucking (no pun intended) man’s sperm that ultimately decides the gender of the babe. Oh and just so you know, every one is conceived a female before the penis grows. Chew on that while you fluster over how bad the girls have become,so much so that they can write the word penis. It’s an organ like any. I don’t see what the fuss is about. Even more fuss is made out of saying vagina out loud. Go figure! Oh while I am at it, I might as well say Sex and menstrual blood. Oh, you are thinking we even shy away from saying potty or urine, you are wrong, we say it and even if we don’t it is only because we find it gross, but the other things I mentioned are not said because it is a sin or something to be ashamed of.  

So, in order to control our sexuality and reproduction, patriarchs decide, for the sake of money and inheritance, to create the institution of marriage. And then you say you didn’t want it in the first place? Haha! Even today, you guys want iron clad control over women.

Do you really think we are fond of marriage in its present form? We have to move out of our homes. Out of our comfort zone. 

And how conceited are you? Are you really such a pleasure to live with? 

Like we love making coffee, cooking, washing, for you? Like we love mothering you? Like we love doing this intensive home bound work without appreciation or economic benefits? And then most men cry about alimony. 


A friend at the university, (a doctoral student at that. Just goes on to show literacy is different from education) told me that ALL men are dogs. He even said I would be naive to believe #NotallMen. And then most men would also have me believe all they want is sex and food. Oh wait, the ultimate Joey conundrum. Food or sex. Umm, food on women. 

5. Honestly, I feel bad for you guys if you honestly believe life is only about food and sex. Maslow was an idiot, I guess. He should have stopped at the first two levels of the fucking pyramid, right? Most scientists are also idiots. HIGGS, Who? Academicians are also idiots. Dorothy Smith, who?


Women only want rich guys. Women only want good looking guys. Women only want., wait they are so complicated we need an encyclopedia. 

Women are Godesses. Women should stay at home and do their domestic duties. 

Women are such gold diggers. All they want is money. Women are patient and self sacrificing. They are the epitome of sacrifice and love and kindness.

Could you please decide what you believe in? Your confusion is giving me a whiplash. 

But who are we to decide what women are or want? 

Women are not a homogenous category. Like men. We have our distinct tastes and we bring in our experiences to make sense of life which is, I am sorry to say that is not so simple as wanting just food and sex. Please do not think that is an excuse for your behavior. Think of this excuse when you read news about brutal rapes.  

I would urge you to think twice before sending demeaning forwards on wives. And women. Being a wife is not a qualification that women want to wear proudly on their sleeve. It offers us at best, an intimacy, that all humans want and need. Security and stability are not a woman’s goals alone. Like I mentioned above, these are somethings that are true of all of us humans. We all want stability and security. That is why we work, we save, we invest, we procreate. If you don’t want to procreate, that is also fine. But do not just assume all women want children. I don’t seem to be very keen on the idea of having children. Given the state of affairs in our country, I will be doing a favour by not having any. I might change my mind after I am married. Who knows?

We cannot and should not try to fit people into frames. This is why I say most men. I know it’s #NotallMen. I hope not! The way for a good family, good country, good world is for us to remember that we are living on a borrowed planet and time and we need to treat ourselves and others with respect. Do not buy into ideologies that separate the masculine and feminine principle. They work together. We all need to be assertive, and yet compassionate too, they are not as dichotomous as made out to be!

Parents’ School of Drama & Dialogue

You know how your mother tends to utter dramatic dialogues that more or less are the same as the ones your friend complains about his/her mother?

Like “would you jump off the terrace just because your friend does it?” 


“They are not my children, I don’t care what they do or don’t. But you are my child.”

And fathers too behave in more or less, a similar fashion. 

I don’t know how my friends, who are parents, parent. But I know for a fact that, my parents and parents that belong to their generation, behave in a similar manner. For instance, fathers are this do-I-exist-or-do-I-not as a substantial (in a non-economic way) figure till mothers evoke their name to try instil some fear in unruly kids. The father figure is evoked to discipline and thus mothers participate in creating this illusionary hierarchy. I say illusionary because once you are of an age where you can understand how parenting works, you will realise that most fathers have no freaking idea what their kids are about. Mothers take the brunt of parenting, donning the role of a friend, mother, sometimes father, teacher, guide, confidante to their child. All this, apart from contributing to the labour market and familial economy. Dads, for most part, are more laid back and almost always consult the mothers when children ask for permission to attend a party/vacation/late night show/sleepovers. 

I have always wondered if parents attend some sort of school.. Like finishing school to learn these behaviours and dialogues. I mean, they all seem to say similar things, given that colloquial and dialectical differences will always exist, and act in a similar fashion.

We all tend to become our parents at some point or the other. But if I ever have children, I swear to break the illusionary hierarchy that begins with the father at the head of the pyramid to break ther patriarchal set up. Parenting is a joint responsibility. Pregnancy is, so far, a woman’s boon (or bane, depends I guess?)  but parenting is not a woman’s lone responsibility. 

As far as the dialogues go, some of them seem fun. 

Do you know any such dialogues that your mother and your friends’ mothers also use?